The Steps of a Man

A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9

I love Jim’s story. In 2006 Jim met Fred by way of a blog he was writing for a local Christian online newspaper. Jim and Fred traded comments and eventually built a friendship. A year later Fred introduced Jim to social media and Twitter. By way of Twitter Jim befriended April, a fellow Christian author. Like with Fred, Jim and April built an online friendship. Knowing Jim’s passion for writing, April told Jim about an online writers’ group, which he joined. Two months after joining the group Jim met Bob, who quickly recognized Jim’s passion as a writer and offered to pay for him to go to two writers’ conferences.

While at the second conference Jim met Karen, whose husband Bryan had recently lost his job as a pastor, because of an addiction to pornography. Having struggled with pornography, himself, Jim identified with Bryan’s addiction. However, unlike Bryan, Jim never sought help, nor did he think he needed it. The truth, though, was that Jim was fighting the addiction with all his might and will, and losing the battle each day. For this reason Jim and Bryan quickly became friends, and despite Jim’s reluctance to get help accepted the business card to Bryan’s counselor, Greg.

Then, one day in August 2009 Jim woke up crying into his pillow. Hopeless and depressed, Jim wanted to die. Seeing within himself a cold darkness that frightened him, he knew he needed help to put his life back together. With the encouragement of his wife he called Greg, Bryan’s counselor. After six months of counseling, Greg referred Jim to Dr. Collier, a psychiatrist who recognized something within Jim that had gone undiagnosed for more than forty years: Jim was bipolar.

For more than forty years Jim had struggled with wide mood swings and depression that made him feel as if he were riding an emotional roller coaster. And yet, despite sensing something was wrong, Jim never sought help. As Jim will tell you, it took a complete breakdown before he was willing to acknowledge that something was genuinely wrong with him, and the way he was living his life.

I like Jim’s story, because you can see the point at which God began to intervene in his life to bring about healing, and the steps that were taken to accomplish that goal. Some people have asked, “Why didn’t God just reveal to Jim his problems and heal him without having to go through all the pain?” The answer, according to Jim, was that it took God forty years to break his pride before he was willing to seek help. He is quick to add though, that what is most beautiful about his experience is how God ordained the steps of his life. Three years before his breakdown, God began bringing people into his life that would all play a major role in his healing. One person led to another and another until the day when all pride was stripped away and healing began.

Building Community

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. Matthew 18:15-17

One of the key themes of the Bible is the reconciliation of mankind, first unto God and second unto each other. Out of that reconciliation God has fashioned His church, a community of believers whose job is to build His Kingdom. However, there is sometimes disunity within the church when one brother or sister sins against another, causing a rift to form that Jesus strongly urges us to mend as quickly as possible.

Sin in the church is not uncommon. Sadly, what is uncommon is forgiveness when one church member sins against another. This is not to say forgiveness never happens, because it does. But more times than not, before there is reconciliation there is a season of hurt, and resentment, a time when pain lingers and becomes a spiritual wound.

For this reason Jesus made it clear that if your brother or sister in Christ sins against you, you should immediately go to that person, alone, and confront them. If that person then hears you and asks for forgiveness, we are to forgive, thus once again being reconciled unto them. But what if the erring brother does not ask for forgiveness? What if he refuses to hear your rebuke and simply dismisses you? Then, Jesus says, that person is to be taken before the church and, according to the Jewish Law, be confronted in the presence two or more witnesses. Here we see that not only has the rift formed between brothers and sisters in Christ, but now the there is a rift forming between the offender and the Church.

All too often when a church member’s pain reaches a certain level the last thing they want to do is be reconciled unto their brothers and sisters in Christ. Human nature likes to be offended, to play the martyr, and be declared a victim of some form of injustice. Someone else is always to blame. To be clear, this sad, unfortunate truth can be said of both the offender and the offended. For this reason when the offended brother goes to the one who has offended him, the result is often more confrontational rather than reconciliatory. Again, this is not always the case, because reconciliation does take place in the church. Not every confrontation ends in a church split. But when it does, it is most likely because one or both parties is protecting their woundedness rather than allowing themselves to be vulnerable and seek healing. And herein we can see Jesus’ objective.

When confronting the erring brother or sister, the goal should be to restore and to heal them, for this is the very nature of the Church. The Church is a body of restored believers, a people who have found comfort and healing through their relationship with Jesus the Christ. No one can stop a person from rejecting this healing and walking away from the fellowship of the Church, but as Jesus made clear, “Woe unto the one through whom offenses come.” The Church should be a sanctuary, a haven for the broken hearted, and a place where the Great Commission is practiced within and without. This is why Jesus commands us to treat the offender as a pagan or a tax collector if they choose not to listen and instead choose to walk away.

Consider for a moment how Jesus treated pagans and tax collectors. Did he not dine with them? Did he not fellowship with them in their homes and share with them the love of his Father? Sadly, too many people in the church take the command of Jesus to treat offending brothers and sisters as pagans and tax collectors to mean that such people should simply be written off, cast out of the sphere of Christian fellowship as if they were the spawn of Satan. But this is not what Jesus commands us to do. In light of the Great Commission we are to continue to love the offending brother and sister, even though they have chosen to live outside the fellowship of the Church. We are to nurture them and disciple them and pray for their healing. Herein our objective should be the same objective as our Lord, Jesus, to build the Kingdom of God through the building of community.

The Kingdom of God is present tense. It is not a mythical place, but any place where the Spirit of God empowers the believer in Jesus to do the work of His Father. It is a place where bread is broken and meals are shared with love and compassion for the one who is wounded and in need of healing. It is a place of acceptance and nurturing, where people can come and find purpose and meaning for their lives, regardless of whether or not they were once in the Church. And it is a community filled with hope and joy, a haven whereby broken people comfort broken people who are looking for someone to point them to their Savior without passing judgment or condemnation. It is a community of reconciled believers, brought together to bring God glory.

When Temptation Comes

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

Dave was a gambler, but not in the typical sense. He gambled not for money but pleasure, and paid a terrible price for it.

Early in his teenage years Dave became addicted to pornography, a habit he carried into his adult life and eventually into his marriage. Initially, the problem seemed to be minor, but soon what was once just casual use soon turned into an addiction. In time pornography was not enough, and Dave began to seek out extra-marital relationships. His job called for him to go out of town on a regular basis, which afforded him the opportunity to date as many as four women at a time, each with whom he had a sexual relationship.

It did not take long before Dave become arrogant about his affairs. Convinced his actions would not be discovered, he texted his girlfriends on a regular basis while keeping up a front at home giving the impression that he was the model husband. However, his aloofness toward his wife said otherwise, and with a little investigation Dave’s lifestyle was discovered. And thus began the unraveling of Dave’s life.

After his infidelity was discovered, Dave was asked to leave his home. His wife then took him to court where she sued for alimony and child support for their two children. Forced to live with friends, Dave paid over $3000 per month to his soon-to-be ex-wife. Then Dave lost his job, and with it his girlfriends. Depressed and alone, with neither money nor vice, Dave contemplated ending his life.

Instead of killing himself, though, Dave turned to a friend who shared the love of God with him and showed him 1 Corinthians 10:13. He explained to Dave that while God would never test us with more than we could possibly bear, we as sinful humans could in fact bring ourselves to a breaking point by the choices we make, as indicated by the examples of the Israelites in 1 Corinthians 10:1-12. Dave’s friend emphasized three points:

First, a person can be spiritual, go to church, even be active in the church, and still be alienated from God (vss. 1-5). Although Dave still attended church, his piety, apart from obedience to God’s commands, was nothing more than self-righteous behavior that had no real spiritual benefit.

Second, this self-righteousness leads to idolatry and self-indulgence, which in the end will always result in death (vss. 6-12). For some death is literally the end of life. For others death comes in the form of a broken marriage, divorce, separation from one’s children, and in Dave’s case the loss of a job. The truth is people often blame God for the consequences of their behavior. However, the fact remains, God will not stop someone bent on living a self-indulgent, idolatrous lifestyle. Dave wanted sex. It was his idol, and he would go to any length to get it regardless of the consequences. It was his choice and no one else’s.

Third, there is always a way out of a destructive lifestyle. In other words, there is always hope (vs. 13). That hope is found in the power of the Holy Spirit of God when we ask Jesus to be our Lord and Savior. When we turn away from our sinful lifestyle to live in obedience to the commands and principles of God’s word, we are literally walking away from death toward life. Like living in idolatry, this too is a choice. Unlike living in idolatry, God will walk with you, giving you his strength and power while on your journey. In so doing, life will have added purpose and meaning, a significance that goes beyond the gratification of a self-indulgent lifestyle.

The secret to preventing what happened to Dave from happening to you and me is found in verse 14; flee idolatry. Don’t gamble with your life. You and I have a choice; we can either set our sights on a sinful life of self-gratification, or we turn to God with our struggles and addictions. God will not make the choice for you. It is a choice we must make daily when faced with each and every temptation that comes our way.

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. James 1:13-15